The R Word

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My dream is to loiter around in empty field like this one. It always hits me spiritually on empty fields and emptiness like this.  Today one of the influencers @saraemily I'm following shared about spiritual. A lot of people mistaken it as a religious or related to God, but it's not. I agreed with her that it's something that connects to the higher self. A sense of there is something more than what you see in front of you. Something higher that is deep inside you. That's spiritual. And she and her partner connects in many ways spiritually, good for her. She felt spiritually touched also when she was at niagara fall and in front of the great mother nature. I feel that so much too when I was in nature. When I was in Ijen, when I was in Bromo, when I was hiking in bukit tabur, when I was in Iceland, when I was in empty grass field in UK. I could look at these countryside pics all day night long and just imagining lives that I would wish to live. But since I...

 How many times "I can do it" that I need to drill into my mind that it will stay?

Came across a documentary on Joseph DeAngelo and got really terrified. Everytime I see cases of sociopaths and serial killers or what not, I feel extremely disturbed and terrified with their presence in this world. I still remember seeing a documentary on cult leader Jim Jones that gave me chills in the morning before work at Siemens, and disturbed me for quite some time. I used to have nightmares from Ripley's Believe it or not when I was standard four. I just think that I am really terrified with all these weird things happening in the world and in my world can only left with pure humanity and probably angels. Last few years I was also very obsessed and engrossed in a child murder by two 5 years old kids,  Robert Thompson and Jon Venables . Everytime I read the story on how it happened on that day and what was going on through their minds, I felt sick and pity, and terrified. I feel also a sense of anger, because many times, if not in all cases, these children are brought up in a...

 If you know me well, I have always wanted to fully maximise every single minute of my free time, so that it delivers some sort of value. This quality of mine makes me go and pick up Japanese class, pick up baking etc.. and I'm still finding more "meaningful" or "productive" stuffs to do.

Self-Esteem  vs. Self-Acceptance Though related, self-acceptance is not the same as self-esteem. Whereas self-esteem refers specifically to how valuable, or worthwhile, we see ourselves, self-acceptance alludes to a far more global affirmation of self. When we're self-accepting, we're able to embrace  all  facets of ourselves—not just the positive, more "esteem-able" parts. As such, self-acceptance is unconditional, free of any qualification. We can recognize our weaknesses or limitations, but this awareness in no way interferes with our ability to fully accept ourselves. Above is extract of some texts Suddenly I realised what does it mean by you will need to love yourself before you love others. "As such, self-acceptance is unconditional, free of any qualification. We can recognize our weaknesses or limitations, but this awareness in no way interferes with our ability to fully accept ourselves." Unconditional, free of any qualification... Man I have been re...

It has been weeks now that I have been having a same kind of weekend routine. This weekend routine makes me feel recharged and good. To my surprise, I have been starting to look forward towards weekend as every week, I look forward to try out a new baking recipe. To be honest I am still very2 new to baking, and so far I have been trying those really simple and easy foolproof recipes as to hope I won't be getting discouraged on this early journey.  So far my journey has not been very smooth one, but it didn't discourage me from trying I guess. I am still very intrigued and interested in baking as it makes me feel amazed with what we can do and produce with our own hands.. and it also does give me a sense of achievement as baking is something far beyond my imagination that I would be liking to do and able to do. It makes me feel empowered with my own hands, that I could create something beyond what I thought I could. And also to remind myself that I could do or create...

Man I have to pick myself up!!! I had been depressed for about 2 weeks and have not been doing anything about it.  Mco 2.0 is ongoing now, I pray hard we will not go back to the situation where we will get pay cut again. I mentioned I had been depressed, why? Reason being I have been having this growing sense of purposeless day in day out in my life for the last 3 weeks. Mco has been killing my productivity and everyday is going by with a little disorganized on my tasks and to do list. Like I have been jumping from this thing to that thing randomly, aimlessly, purposelessly, not having that sense of achievement from work. Flight isn’t having that much movement, that’s explains the low activity in managing my flights. Have been trying to see any chance I could enhance my report but seeing myself keep on adjusting the formatting of a report I created makes me feel extremely dissatisfied.  I no longer chase for those minimal revenue from flights during this Mco. Previously I take...

Are we really utilising the benefit of working remotely to the fullest? Now I'm feeling the plateau of working from home and starting to feel the downtrend in my productivity.  Maybe I'm not as strong as who I thought I was.

Jan 2021 already approaching the end. We left with 11 months to plan and action on our planned new year’s resolutions.. what’s your progress? As a typical salaried employee, I can’t wait to get my Jan payroll, but at the same time it makes me lack of focus of the present and only focus on the future of longing when I would get my pay. Searching on how to not regret over decision made, saw a video by Sadhguru centering on making decision without a persona, a mask. And it links to encouraging people to meditation. This is an ongoing idea whenever you come across any self improvement videos, and I have all the knowledge on what the benefits are, but I couldn’t commit myself into doing that. But since I came across that idea again, I actually went on and try and see if it silent my inner voices and worries. Turned out it felt good after that. I was trying to search on any real life examples of how it actually help anyone, but all I could come across are those 20 benefits of meditating, and...

  This is something unique, and some target you can set in life :) If you can spend your precious 30 mins to gain awareness of your life, I guess it will be powerful for you.  Take my advice! How you will rate the following habits? Habit #1 - Drinking Water: ( 02:06 ) Habit #2 - Cooking: ( 02:42 ) Habit #3 - Practicing Music: ( 03:39 ) Habit #4 - Waking Up Early: ( 04:39 ) Habit #5 - Reading: ( 05:38 ) Habit #6 - Keeping A Dairy: ( 06:48 ) Habit #7 - Listening To Podcasts: ( 07:46 ) Habit #8 - Doing Your Chores: ( 08:33 ) Habit #9 - Dancing: ( 09:27 ) Habit #10 - Resting Your Eyes: ( 10:13 ) How To Build Habits: ( 11:33 ) Habit #11 - Positive Affirmations: ( 13:13 ) Habit #12 - Bullet Journaling: ( 14:53 ) Habit #13 - Being Mindful Of Your Posture: ( 16:16 ) Habit #14 - Watching Self-Improvement Videos: ( 17:02 ) Habit #15 - Studying: ( 17:54 ) Habit #16 - Practicing A Skill: ( 18:26 ) Habit #17 - Grooming: ( 19:34 ) Habit #18 - Making Your Bed: ( 20:35 ) Habit #19 - Being Min...

 What do you normally do on your super free day?  I used to always fill with a gym session, and then reward myself with few rounds of mobile legends, occasionally some piano playing and short Japanese study time before I wind up my day. Sounds productive? Or not? It feels stale after some time. No matter how much I try to make the most out of it. Most of the Instagram stories will fill with people going out for brunch, having some hangout sessions with buddy, and not to ignore those big amount of people who don't constantly post what they do - not me of course. Occasionally you see some people doing super productive things on their off day, and for me that's what I had always wanted to achieve. During MCO my off days always spent working, observing demands and pick up for any flight ticket, and look at any trend that I could derive from. Now I regret not keeping a daily journal. Man I think it is advisable to put down your daily life to a book where you can look back at in fut...

It's not easy for anyone to figure out what you should do especially during this economic downturn and covid times. Fearful heart of getting infected, worried about infecting loved ones, or if anything happens to them, scared of losing jobs, scared of another lockdown that may kill the business, etc etc. These may be common feelings that are filling up most of the average people's hearts easily these days. You can almost fill it in the air around you, the vibes of people worrying about what can they do to this situation? 2020 is marching towards the mid of the final quarter, and soon in the blink of an eye, you will be welcoming 2021.  Everyone's wishes for 2021 probably is only to go through these difficult times safely, and this pandemic to be over soon. Whether it's for a better job opportunity, or to travel, or to see the loved ones. For us, it's easy to only see stories that are happening in front of us. For example, I'm working in an airline, it's easy...

 I'm giving up!! So many things to do!

17 Mar 20 - 14 Apr 20 Almost a month of lockdown and we are at 29 mar 20 now. Secretly, I wished that this would be extended because of the introvert in me is taking over. Partially I miss going out and making myself presentable to the world. Another part of me enjoy the productivity that I have at home, and also the time I never able to get to spend with my loved one if this lock down never happen. Never in our relationship that we are spending time in a same space for such a continuous period of time except for traveling. If I would need to work, there won't be a single chance for me to get to spend time with him, though I also enjoyed the separation most of the time. lol sorry I'm contradicting but I just find it as a different experience. It starts to be my comfort zone already. Even though having a single laptop screen slightly kills my productivity but all were managed well. I didn't need to walk far to reach my needs, the only risk is unable to differentiate be...

I remember I had a mock interview as an assessment back in college time, and when being asked what do I wanna achieve in life, I answered a very general and shallow answer, that I wanted to be successful . So I remember very clearly that the lecturer asked me, so what do you define as success ? and I answered with some crappy fifth grader answer, that I wanted to be able to go wherever I want, to be able to travel or work overseas. A big LOL whenever I think back. So the lecturer just nodded and moved on to another question. Guess he able to tell that this student's brain isn't prepared for the deep philosophical discussion about what is the definition of success. Fast forward to 7 years later til today, this question still lies in my head. I guess I haven't got the answer yet, or a truthful answer. So if you are reading this, this post is for you to ask yourself. What do you define as success? ;) I may get mine answer when the time's right. When the inspira...

My mum said, “Life is fragile, it is only few breaths away. When someone covers your mouth and doesn’t let you breathe for a minute and so, you will lose your breath and die.” Nothing is certain in this world. While we busy chasing for fame, success, money, reputation, etc, do you feel certainly happy with your life?  Are those comparisons in social media, ie: someone’s life seems better than yours, someone’s body is better than yours, relationship goals, all those yolo hash tags; someone get their house at age of 25, someone’s job better than yours, someone traveling to where n where .., really matters that much? Why do you let yourself wasting life feeling inferior comparing to these people? My beloved family member is ill. This was what we learn from this round of going back to Ipoh. Feel very shocked and horrified with the thought of she will be more ill if things are going wrong. Feel like I didn’t do enough. Whatever I may try to do, at this point, it doesn’t mean anything an...

https://www.ted.com/talks/chimamanda_ngozi_adichie_we_should_all_be_feminists/transcript Strikes . me . on. point. We gonna revamp the whole education to girls.

I might not be the best but I should always strive to be the best version of myself. Self doubt kills more dreams than failure. 2019 year. The year to achieve more positivity and less self doubt. Every single thing there are two sides of it. TO think positive is to see the good side of every single event. - You could be making mistake at work - but you learn how not to make that mistake anymore - You may be having that item in your wishlist that you can't get yet - at least you get to dream of it and be motivated with that - You fell sick - you find out who is there to take care of you - You fail in your business - you one step closer to success by gaining that experience of failing. Just my two cents, don't stop trying.

Happy that my family members are all together spending time in a living room, all together, in a comfortable environment, and together.