Sociopaths
Came across a documentary on Joseph DeAngelo and got really terrified. Everytime I see cases of sociopaths and serial killers or what not, I feel extremely disturbed and terrified with their presence in this world. I still remember seeing a documentary on cult leader Jim Jones that gave me chills in the morning before work at Siemens, and disturbed me for quite some time. I used to have nightmares from Ripley's Believe it or not when I was standard four. I just think that I am really terrified with all these weird things happening in the world and in my world can only left with pure humanity and probably angels.
Last few years I was also very obsessed and engrossed in a child murder by two 5 years old kids, Robert Thompson and Jon Venables. Everytime I read the story on how it happened on that day and what was going on through their minds, I felt sick and pity, and terrified. I feel also a sense of anger, because many times, if not in all cases, these children are brought up in a very ill environment, by irresponsible parents, who may be a person with alcohol or substance abuse, or they themselves abused the criminals as children. These people are deserved to be hung in hell, to be honest.
I strongly strongly feel for those children who are growing up in a sick environment that is filled with abusive words and actions. I cannot calm myself but feel only a sense of fuming anger filling me when I see those child rape news coming up in the newspaper. If only I could do something about it. If only I could be part of the community that can stop this.
I agree. Life is not a bed of roses. But tough and challenging life should not be the reason for you to abuse your children. They are not your outlet for your emotions. And how vulnerable they are growing up, like a white paper, and being painted with all these negative emotions in life and growing up to be another sick person just like you!
I'm researching about being a volunteer at the Ministry of Women, Family, and Community. Maybe a bit extra. But I really feel women are the group of people whose mindset can be improved and also to be protected, especially rural areas. We have come a long long way, living behind those years where women are subject of abuse by men and also inferior to men. Sick men are sick and disgusted. I still remember my own experience as a student being approached by teacher who talked to me about sexual stuffs. I didn't dare to report him or do anything to him, despite me sharing with my friends. This is what they said about trauma as a child. Mine was mild but significant enough to be imprinted on my brain for such a long time, all these years. At one point I felt so disgusted with men who only filled with sexual desires. This is only what they are good at huh?
I'm really typing this with my frowned brows and emotions fuming inside me. Of course I believe there may be some group of men who are still live like cavemen, there is a big group of civilised, educated men, who brought up in a normal family environment who act as the real protector to the society, to the women, to the children, and those who are in need. But there are still many living in the dark doing things that we may not know. Who do I blame? I blame it on broken marriage. I blame it on poor family planning. I blame it on broken family upbringing and structure. As what we always speak in those syarahan competition last time, family is indeed the building blocks of the society and community we have today. But entering workforce and being more matured now, I know ranting is not enough. SO what are my action plans???
Education, education, education. It's scary that now that we are staying home more than ever, and the rise of the number of child rape cases is happening since MCO announced last year. I have received SMS on asking me to report home abuse if there is any. But how effective all these are? back then we see news on students reaching out to teachers if they are abused/raped by families, but who do they reach out to now? They are so freaking vulnerable group and doing nothing and having these experience will cause them to live out their lives as an adult the same way they parents are. :( It's just sickening and saddening. As when I search for causes of sociopaths, it stated that mostly are not an inborn characteristics, but is caused and shaped by environment.
And as I search for Ministry of Women, Family & Community development, stupid news are still appearing in my own nation:
Anyway, back to Sociopath's topic, I wanted to write all these out because there was an unknown sense of disturbed and horrified feeling running through me when I saw the documentary and further readout in Wikipedia on what this person has done. As I write out, I realised I felt anger that was dominating my feeling. I felt angry, sad, and disturbed. Constant feelings of these feelings running through me. Luckily I have decided to write it out, otherwise, I guess I wouldn't be able to identify what's on my mind. I'm not really questioning why there are these kinds of people in this world, but I really question what caused them and why they are doing things that are hurting other people? I really don't want to dive into the criminal mindset, because as I was reading their cases and their crimes, a part of me trying to relate to them caused me to feel those feelings I stated just now. I can't relate. I can only feel that the big part of their brain is truly dark in colour.
I really wanna feel understood and validated to some extent. Sick Sick Sick feeling and I still haven't get relieve from what I was feeling and until now. 😡😡😡😡
Comments
Post a Comment