The R Word

My dream is to loiter around in empty field like this one. It always hits me spiritually on empty fields and emptiness like this.  Today one of the influencers @saraemily I'm following shared about spiritual. A lot of people mistaken it as a religious or related to God, but it's not. I agreed with her that it's something that connects to the higher self. A sense of there is something more than what you see in front of you. Something higher that is deep inside you. That's spiritual. And she and her partner connects in many ways spiritually, good for her. She felt spiritually touched also when she was at niagara fall and in front of the great mother nature. I feel that so much too when I was in nature. When I was in Ijen, when I was in Bromo, when I was hiking in bukit tabur, when I was in Iceland, when I was in empty grass field in UK. I could look at these countryside pics all day night long and just imagining lives that I would wish to live. But since I'

 How many times "I can do it" that I need to drill into my mind that it will stay?

Came across a documentary on Joseph DeAngelo and got really terrified. Everytime I see cases of sociopaths and serial killers or what not, I feel extremely disturbed and terrified with their presence in this world. I still remember seeing a documentary on cult leader Jim Jones that gave me chills in the morning before work at Siemens, and disturbed me for quite some time. I used to have nightmares from Ripley's Believe it or not when I was standard four. I just think that I am really terrified with all these weird things happening in the world and in my world can only left with pure humanity and probably angels. Last few years I was also very obsessed and engrossed in a child murder by two 5 years old kids,  Robert Thompson and Jon Venables . Everytime I read the story on how it happened on that day and what was going on through their minds, I felt sick and pity, and terrified. I feel also a sense of anger, because many times, if not in all cases, these children are brought up in a

 If you know me well, I have always wanted to fully maximise every single minute of my free time, so that it delivers some sort of value. This quality of mine makes me go and pick up Japanese class, pick up baking etc.. and I'm still finding more "meaningful" or "productive" stuffs to do.

Self-Esteem  vs. Self-Acceptance Though related, self-acceptance is not the same as self-esteem. Whereas self-esteem refers specifically to how valuable, or worthwhile, we see ourselves, self-acceptance alludes to a far more global affirmation of self. When we're self-accepting, we're able to embrace  all  facets of ourselves—not just the positive, more "esteem-able" parts. As such, self-acceptance is unconditional, free of any qualification. We can recognize our weaknesses or limitations, but this awareness in no way interferes with our ability to fully accept ourselves. Above is extract of some texts Suddenly I realised what does it mean by you will need to love yourself before you love others. "As such, self-acceptance is unconditional, free of any qualification. We can recognize our weaknesses or limitations, but this awareness in no way interferes with our ability to fully accept ourselves." Unconditional, free of any qualification... Man I have been re

It has been weeks now that I have been having a same kind of weekend routine. This weekend routine makes me feel recharged and good. To my surprise, I have been starting to look forward towards weekend as every week, I look forward to try out a new baking recipe. To be honest I am still very2 new to baking, and so far I have been trying those really simple and easy foolproof recipes as to hope I won't be getting discouraged on this early journey.  So far my journey has not been very smooth one, but it didn't discourage me from trying I guess. I am still very intrigued and interested in baking as it makes me feel amazed with what we can do and produce with our own hands.. and it also does give me a sense of achievement as baking is something far beyond my imagination that I would be liking to do and able to do. It makes me feel empowered with my own hands, that I could create something beyond what I thought I could. And also to remind myself that I could do or create

Man I have to pick myself up!!! I had been depressed for about 2 weeks and have not been doing anything about it.  Mco 2.0 is ongoing now, I pray hard we will not go back to the situation where we will get pay cut again. I mentioned I had been depressed, why? Reason being I have been having this growing sense of purposeless day in day out in my life for the last 3 weeks. Mco has been killing my productivity and everyday is going by with a little disorganized on my tasks and to do list. Like I have been jumping from this thing to that thing randomly, aimlessly, purposelessly, not having that sense of achievement from work. Flight isn’t having that much movement, that’s explains the low activity in managing my flights. Have been trying to see any chance I could enhance my report but seeing myself keep on adjusting the formatting of a report I created makes me feel extremely dissatisfied.  I no longer chase for those minimal revenue from flights during this Mco. Previously I take extreme

Are we really utilising the benefit of working remotely to the fullest? Now I'm feeling the plateau of working from home and starting to feel the downtrend in my productivity.  Maybe I'm not as strong as who I thought I was.

Jan 2021 already approaching the end. We left with 11 months to plan and action on our planned new year’s resolutions.. what’s your progress? As a typical salaried employee, I can’t wait to get my Jan payroll, but at the same time it makes me lack of focus of the present and only focus on the future of longing when I would get my pay. Searching on how to not regret over decision made, saw a video by Sadhguru centering on making decision without a persona, a mask. And it links to encouraging people to meditation. This is an ongoing idea whenever you come across any self improvement videos, and I have all the knowledge on what the benefits are, but I couldn’t commit myself into doing that. But since I came across that idea again, I actually went on and try and see if it silent my inner voices and worries. Turned out it felt good after that. I was trying to search on any real life examples of how it actually help anyone, but all I could come across are those 20 benefits of meditating, and